Tesco Serendipitous Deli Board

In recent weeks Tesco has added an impressive number of new cheeses to their deli counter; not only that, but the general tastiness of said new entries is high. Not since the first milk-laden battalions of Friesans made their densely-uddered landfall on the shores of Britain has a dairy selection expanded quite so decisively.

 I initially spotted the “Proper Tasty Lancashire”, quirked a wry eyebrow at the incongruity… then reached, intrigued, for the “Proper Goat’s Cheese”, only for my hand to be intercepted by a few soft cheeses so French I couldn’t even read what they were for. Within the hour a board was assembled, my long-suffering partner had swept her lovingly-prepared dinner into the bin, and 5 types of novel cheese from the Tesco deli counter graced our table. These were paired with the classic Stockarn’s oatcakes, and some sourdough charcoal and sesame seed crackers which surely mark peak hipster.

Perhaps surprisingly to regular readers, I’m not in fact sponsored by Tesco. I’m just pretty impressed by a) how close their nearest supermarket is to my home, and b) how tasty their upper-end cheese selection is. There’s a tendency (particularly pronounced among sellers of £40/kg artisan cheeses) to be snobbish about supermarket cheeses, but I don’t buy into this at all. The proof of a cheese is in the eating; delicious £9 cheeses are all very well as a tasty treat, but I find the upper end of the Tesco range is varied and enjoyable at a much more reasonable price point.

Brebis de Vivarois

Normally even the scantest rumour of a sheep in or around the vicinity of the cheese production process has me salivating glisteningly. This soft mild sheep’s cheese is made even more appealing by its unusual hexagonal shape.

Sadly efficient occupation of a 2-D infinite plane is perhaps the best feature of this cheese, which is otherwise slightly unsettling in a hard-to-place way. The flavour is very mild, with only a hint of sheep; the color is the too-searing white of an operating theatre floor, and the texture is a little too oddly soft and squishy. I’d freely admit that I’m prone to overusing barnyard metaphors, but this really does smell quite like a barn densely packed with sheep – a curiously pungent scent given the really mild flavour. Interesting to try for a change, but a little hard to recommend.

Saint-Marcellin

An absolutely great little ceramic pot, with a rustic aesthetic and a size and shape pitched perfectly for small dips, is let down by the needless addition of a fairly mediocre soft cheese. The cheese is a generic soft creamy cow’s cheese. It’s much less tasty than washed-rind-style alternatives, but much less creamy than something like Saint Félicien. I don’t know when I would choose to buy this, though it’s perfectly inoffensive.

The pot really is excellent, though. It’s pertly dimensioned, ideally proportioned for filling with oil and balsamic vinegar, and in a pleasingly rich deep rusty brown. To be honest £2.20 is a fantastic price for the pot alone. We’ve used the pot quite a few times and it seems robust and hard-wearing.

Proper Goat’s Cheese

We’re absolute suckers for hard suprabovine entries and this was no exception: a tangy, tart hard cheese with that delicious goaty flavour. A goat’s cheese is always good to provide a bit of variety on a cheese board. This is pretty on par with the (also very good) Tesco Cave Aged Goat.

Proper Tasty Lancashire

Typically I find Lancashire a boring hard cheese with the approximate color, consistency and flavour of chalk. The taste is more watery and dull than simply drinking water, but contains a great deal more saturated fat. A typical Lancashire uses up a “hard cheese” slot on the board without contributing any real flavour or interest.

Sometimes, though, even I must eat my words, in much the same way I must eat any cheese placed in front of me. This really was tasty and delicious: sharply tangy and strongly salty, with a much harder, less crumbly texture than expected, and a whole lot more flavour. It’s not as richly flavoursome as a mature Cheddar, but it has a really distinctive twang to the flavour which made a great change.

Davidstow 36 Month Cheddar

It’s hard not to be impressed by a Cheddar old enough to walk. This one is, unsurprisingly, pretty good – possibly the best Cheddar Tesco has available – at an outrageously low price. It’s a fairly smooth, intensely flavoursome vintage Cheddar with a satisfying crunchy texture. Tesco also stock 12- and 18-month versions of Davidstow Cheddar; I’ve sampled these previously and frankly not considered them worthy of review. Davidstow may be cheese purveyors to Her Majesty the Queen, but (whisper it) the 18-month-matured Davidstow Crackler version also available in Tesco is probably just strictly worse than the Tesco Finest Vintage Cheddar.

This 36-monther, I reckon, is a bit better. It doesn’t quite attain the true flavour pinnacles of ultimate Cheddardom, but it’ll certainly become my go-to utility Cheddar. At £13.80/kg the price is the same as the Tesco Finest Vintage Cheddar, but this packs a bit more punch when allowed to warm fully and develop its quite intense, rich flavour. The texture is also pretty great: smooth and slightly moist, but with a really satisfying salty crunch.

Overall, this was a delicious cheese board and these new cheeses impressed. All three hard cheeses were excellent; both soft cheeses were underwhelming, but at least interesting and different. An undoubted highlight was the acquisition of a great little pot, which I suspect will do many years’ service holding olive oil for dipping.