No reasonable adult of sound mind could deny this is a Christmas cheese. I reviewed this cheese at the request of a reader; despite my previously-documented intense dislike of both fruitcakes and dubious novelty cheeses marketed squarely at the festive season rather than serious cheese appreciators, for the benefit of our loyal readers I gritted my teeth and took on a Christmas cake variant of this classic seasonal product.

I was rather taken by the innovative white wax design, which gives this cheese the look and feel of a diminutive icing-coated Christmas cake. I was substantially more taken by the price. At only £0.90p, this might be both the most Christmassy and most wallet-friendly product up for consideration in the Twelve Days of Cheesemas.

Now, we both know that a novelty wax-wrapped supermarket Christmas cheese flavoured like a Christmas cake that sells for 90p isn’t actually going to be any good as a cheese. And so it proved to be the case, but I was rather cheered by the unassuming honesty of this product. This is squarely marketed at the “Fill that ‘novelty Christmas cheese’-shaped hole in a festive cheese platter” niche, and it delivers on that role quite well.

There are strong parallels with Croome Cheese’s Christmas Pudding Cheese. There, the overwhelming experience truly was that of eating a Christmas pudding with a curiously creamy backstory. Here, there is less attention to detail and verisimilitude in the cake experience, but that is consistent with the drastically-reduced price.

The underlying cheese is actually specified, which is something I look for in most cheeses I buy; it is a bland and nondescript Wensleydale. That cheese’s creamy, gentle flavour is crushed mewling and whimpering into the dust by the iron-shod wheels of strong, alcoholic cognac, which rather brutally dominates the flavour palette of this cheese experience. The cheese is infused with raisins and candied orange; the orange especially matches well with the cognac flavour.

The Christmas Pudding cheese was like eating an actual Christmas pudding which is incidentally made of cheese. Here, the overall coherence and unity of vision is a little reduced: cognac, candied orange and raisins might well be things you find in a Christmas cake, but simply putting them in a cheese instead does not really lead to a Christmas cake cheese.

That said, this cheese is approximately five times cheaper than the Croome Cheese entry. It is a little smaller, but really that is a positive: the purpose of these cheeses is to bring festive fun and Christmas cheer, and this cheese delivers on its mandate convincingly and for a bargain-basement price, while also not wasting valuable fridge space on a cheese you fundamentally are not going to enjoy eating that much. No reasonable adult of sound mind is buying fruitcake-flavoured cheeses for the actual cheese flavour; this cheese embraces that contradiction and fills the novelty cheeseboard slot for an exceptional price. I would certainly choose it over the Croome Cheese version for that reason.

For its no-nonsense rough approximation of a Christmas cake, outstanding value for money, and unabashed embracing of its market segment, I rate this cheese 5 out of 10.

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