Cheddar with Chillies (Tesco)

I recently reviewed Mexicana, the flagship spicy supermarket cheese, and wanted to review some of its competitors so that I could truly evaluate its quality.

I want to begin by saying that, despite appearances, this is not actually a review of Cheddar with Chillies by Tesco. I bought the cheese for the purpose of writing a review, sat down in with a cheese knife and a palette cleanser, opened up the WordPress post editor and labelled the post as a ‘review’, but as soon as I tried a single bite I realised I just couldn’t do it.

The cheese isn’t spicy.

I don’t know how Tesco arrive at their recipes for their own-brand products, but whoever greenlit this obviously doesn’t like spice and doesn’t like cheese. I don’t know how a cheese can have so many visible pieces of chilli in it and still fail to contain any spice. I don’t know who keeps buying this so that it remains on the shelves, when the impossibly superior branded version is right next to it and only 10% more expensive.

The cheese isn’t spicy.

Look at the three chillies on the packaging. Look at the description ‘hot and fiery chillies’. Look at the red pepper pieces strewn throughout the cheese. It is all a lie. If anything, the cheese is a bit sickly sweet.

The cheese isn’t spicy.

There’s no point saying anything else about the cheese. Is it always like this, or did I just get a bad batch? To be honest, at this point I don’t even want to know.