Autumn 2022 Cheese Night

What better way is there to eat cheese than via a strictly regimented rating system? We were initially concerned that with 9 people a paltry 13 cheeses would leave us hungry for more. Thankfully this wasn’t an issue, and as with all successful cheese nights everyone was left groaning, distended, and swearing to not touch dairy products for at least 7 hours.

The night followed standard gratemycheese.com rules. Each individual brings 2 cheeses and an accompaniment (to better manage coronary health, this time we scaled couples back to bring only a feeble 3 cheeses between them). Each cheese is eaten solo and accompanied, no matter how ludicrous, and people who refuse to eat a particularly intimidating cheese are socially ostracised for a short period of time.

At our last cheese night, we were left concerned that people had brought too many safe, tasty cheeses. I like eating 6 types of delicious Cheddar as much as the next cheese lifestyle writer, but I also like to be challenged, surprised and have opportunities to grow as an individual and as a dairy consumer. Attendees were therefore encouraged to bring an interesting cheese as well as something nice.

Accompaniments were some sourdough biscuits of varying sorts, a vast stock of Ritz, some tasty bread and the essential cucumber and apple to cleanse the palette. An unusual addition was a festive Christmas chutney which somewhat undermined the entire evening by virtue of being ludicrously delicious, leading to ratings inflation which briefly threatened to destabilise confidence in cheese rating worldwide.

Scores

Sheep Rustler – 6.50 solo/6.83 accompanied

A hard ewe’s milk cheese in the Manchego style, this was a straightforward but uninspiring start to the night. Normally sheep’s cheeses are big scorers but this one was rather unexciting.

Chaource – 7.89/7.50

A classic of the cheese night circuit, Tesco Finest Chaource also provides an inspiring redemption saga. After becoming a near-mythical smash hit when first introduced, it then took an extended dive into being “much too lemony”. Now, thankfully, it’s back to full lemon-free form, as the cheese that has everything: hard, soft, tasty, smooth, creamy and delicious.

Rutland Red – 7.44/7.28

Basically a Red Leicester in most ways: hard, a little dry and flaky, and initially uninspiring in terms of taste. However, after a few chews the flavour eventually emerges “like the Greeks from the Trojan Horse” in the words of a reviewer.

Carbajo Generación 5a – 4.50/5.02

An intriguing Spanish goat’s-milk cheese with a fearsome aroma and an intriguing taste: the initial bite is not much to write home about, but you will still be tasting it and pondering some minutes later. Not exactly pleasant, but somewhat feisty – “energises all the senses like a 1am Jaegerbomb” was one reviewer’s description.

Villa Rosso – 2.72/3.89

A bizarre niche cheese infused with red pesto and herbs – but not niche enough that some of our reviewers haven’t tried it before. In the official review this cheese was brutally panned, but on a second attempt, we realised maybe we had been too harsh. While this certainly isn’t pleasant to eat, while the sun-dried tomato flavour is in no way a good addition, while the texture is rubbery and cheap and while the substrate cheese itself is not very nice, this is a fascinating experience which isn’t actively awful. One reviewer’s description “might as well eat a spicy crayon” accurately summarizes what’s on offer here.

Delice de Bourgogne – 7.33/7.67

A gloriously soft and decadent triple-cream cheese, with a great texture and an understated smooth flavour. Great spread on crackers or bread. Some attendees found this “too creamy”, but as a slightly decadent treat, this is really delicious.

Cabrales – 1.44/1.89

An appalling experience which will appeal only to the most blue-addled of palates, this is a strong-ish blue with the appearance and stench of a side of beef left on a hot patio for six weeks in July.  The flavour is less diabolical than might be expected; interestingly, it seems a little closer to the blue of Gorgonzola than a ripe Stilton, albeit with less background creaminess. Some attendees commented “it’s vaguely horrifying that artisan cheese makers have literally dedicated their lives to making this awful product”; die-hard blue fans might get something interesting out of it.

Comté – 6.67/5.56

Typically a workhorse hard cheese, tonight’s Compté was a little unimpressive. This is a hard cheese with a nutty flavour; it’s never going to be bad, but this one didn’t impress us too much.

Port Derby – 3.89/3.94

Novelty flavoured cheeses are a fun and humorous addition to a cheese board, even though they are pretty much certain to taste rubbish, and this port-infused cheese happily ambled down that well-trodden path. A reviewer’s comment “I wouldn’t realise this was a cheese if someone didn’t tell me” accurately summed it up. The texture is really rubbery and soft, but much more bizarre is the flavour: the intense lab-manufactured esters of artificial strawberries. This was oddly like eating red Skittles but in cheese form: not wholly unpleasant, but not wholly expected either.

Snowdonia Cheese Company Vintage Cheddar – 9.06/8.11

As the undoubted king of hard cheeses, strong-and-stable Cheddars always perform well at cheese nights, garnering widespread support across the board in a way that intriguing but divisive cheeses can never manager. This was no exception. This is the third Snowdonia Cheese Company Vintage Cheddar I’ve eaten in 2 weeks, and I continued to enjoy it. A great but not-too-overwhelming flavour and a fantastic texture. Several reviewer comments suggested this may be the greatest Cheddar of all time.

Taleggio – 5.72/6.22

An appealingly innovative addition to the board; alas a mediocre eat-and-rate cheese. Taleggio is a semi-soft washed-rind cheese from Italy, with the stench of a well-worn walking boot left on a hot patio for six weeks in July, a fun chewy texture and rind, but a surprisingly mild and delicate flavour. No mild cheese wants to hit the rating stand straight after a strong Cheddar, and this relatively mild tasting cheese performed unimpressively. Nothing to dislike here, but not really something most cheeseboards need.

Shropshire Blue – 3.78/4.11

Historically blue cheeses have divided reviewer opinion; this one was relatively well-received by the usual standard of blues. A cheery orange-yellow with a substantially milder smell and taste than the punishing Carbajo. (See this review of another Shropshire blue, much more favourably received by Louis).

Hereford Red – 6.22/6.72

Basically a Red Leicester in most ways. This was nearly identical to the Rutland Red, but perhaps just a little bit less interesting in every dimension.

Conclusions

Strong Cheddars always do well, so the Snowdonia Vintage Cheddar’s dominance in both solo and accompanied modalities was no surprise. An unexpected smash hit was the outstanding Délice de Bourgogne, a great new soft-cheese discovery. It was great to see some interesting, if unpleasant, cheeses jostling for low-single-digit scores.